3 posts tagged “being assertive”
Everybody get criticised from time to time. Sometimes the thing you like so much is getting disapproval from people you thought you trust the most. :-((
What if they are right? Of course no one likes any kind of critic. But some critic is useful and can help you to improve yourself in something. One of the advantages of being assertive is the ability to listen to helpful criticism and also to give one. By taking such criticism we can learn the way people see us.
How better to take good criticism? Simply listen to it and then repeat the same using different words.
Lets have a look at an example:
Kate: " This blouse doesn't suit you"
Alice: " OK...There is something you don't like about my blouse."
Kate: " The colour or style... there is something in it that makes you look older"
Alice: " So, you think I need to choose another blouse?"
Kate: " I really liked the one you had on Tim's birthday. It underlined all your best parts"...
Alice didn't attack the friend and defend her choice and neither agree straight from the first line. She behaved with assertiveness.
Lets see how else she could respond.
- Alice: " Phew... You are not supermodel either." Such reaction would leave both in a bad mood and even an argument could take place.
- Alice: " I never know how to dress correctly." The respond is incorrect as Kate was not talking about day to day dressing of Alice, but about particular blouse.
What have Alice gained from this conversation? She learned how she looks from someone else's perspective and gained the respect from Kate for being able to accept her comment. :-)
In yestaerday's post I mentioned about assertiveness. Being assertive not only give you a better feeling but make your communication with other people look more proffessional. You stand out your point while not offencing the other party.
Some people are naturally assertive. Others might need to learn and practice few techniques.
Here are some tips to start you off:
- Watch how other people communicate and even persuade other people by being assertive. What words they use, the tone and speed of the talk, their gestures and facial expressions etc.
- make a decision to improve your assertiveness.
- Imagine yourself being assertive. You can create some situations or take real ones and imagine scenarios of handlind those difficult situations. It may sound useless, but all great artists spend hours practicing their roles just to feel natural when they need the most.
- Take actions. They say to overcome the fear you just need to do what you fear the most. Seems like easier said than done. But this is a shortcut. People tend to exaggerate things. You might find it not that difficult once you start. With practice your fear will fade. Start with small steps. Once you master those move to more complicated situations and so on.
- Don't forget the importance of body language. Use nonverbal signals that supports your speech and show you are confident. Speak clear with steady tone. Don't be in hurry stating your point. Learn to use a bit more time before you give the answer. Eye contact is vital, don't stare though. Avoid such movement that show up your worriness like scratching, tapping, blinking eyes too often, touching your hair or face.
- Make your message to be clear, don't waffle. Then stop talking. If you didn't get a wanted result on a first try repeat your message and do that as many times as necessary. Choose other words for expression if you like. But the main point is don't allow yourself to be sidetracked.
- Don't panic if you fail, especially at the beginning. Keep practicing and see the rewards comming your way.
Enjoy any conversation experience with right communication skills. For more information on communication visit my website.
Life doesn't go smooth way all the time . There would be certainly obstacles in your life. Either at work or in personal life there would be a point you have to deal with difficult people. Building a relationship with latter might be taugh. But what if that's necessary?
This is especially actual in work environment, where you can't choose your colleguas. There is enough bullies at school and at work. How to stay at work and cope with any kind of communication? Workplace is a place where most people spend a big deal of time. Being surrounded with unpleasnt people would have a negative impact on your life. If you enter your workplace with fear, worriness, agressiveness etc every day, how would you feel in 10 or 20 years?
Communication with difficult people can go three ways. You can give them one of these responces:
- Aggressive responce. You show you don't tolerate their actions or words by "putting" them on their place. This situation can take a form of personal attack using sarcastic words and looking arrogant, but hopefuly not physical abuse.
- Passive responce. That means not saying or doing anything confrontational and provocative. While this way seems more friendly it can leave one feeling frustrated after the conversation.
- Assertive response. This one is something in between of the two others. You still object but do it without confrontation in more positive and polite way.
When dealing with difficult people it's good to adopt some assertiveness techniques. The point of being assertive is to feel fine after dealing with any difficult situation. Ideally this should be a win-win result in terms of mutual respect for them and self-respect. There would be no feeling of sorrow, guilt or frustration afterwards.
What are the possible outcomes of different responces?
Acting aggressively can lead to loosing of good deals, gaining a feeling of mutual "hate" and starting the game of revenge, where each would use any opportunity to offence one other. If this is at work it certainly won't serve you in a long term.
Staying passive won't get you anything but frustration and maybe lower your self-esteem and self-importance.
Being assertive in difficult situation is the best way of dealing with such. It's likely to be a win-win. You are staying happy about yourself as you stay and show your opinion and yet you are fine with the other person as they feel their opinion counts. The benefits are obvious.
For more information, please visit Improving Communication in Business and Personal Life
