How often do you notice if the person is interested in conversation? Do they look at your eyes and keep the talk alive by adding their bit.
Sometimes the conversation doesn't go the flow we want. If the person is not interested in what you are saying it's difficult especially when you are trying to make a sale. They won't buy unless you want to bore them to open their wallet. Some sales people use this way of persuading for purchase. It's really annoing.
Maybe it's just better to leave the talk for another time. What if person is just tired and all that's occupies their mind is just to have some rest? Talking later about the same issue might bring better results. Or what if person is not interested at all...then why should you waist their and your time. If you still want to persist then changing an approach might make sense.
What are the signs of bored body language? Some of them are very obvious...
Eye contact, actually its absence is one of the main signals of boredom in non verbal communication. A person would look anywhere but your eyes. It would look like everything around is pretty much intertaining like door, their watch or clock on a wall, other people, they might be deciding whether they need manicure done etc.
They may also tap their fingers or swing their feet showing off their unpatience and readiness to switch their mind for something else.
Their body may sag and they'd look for something to suppost them like leaning against the wall or slouch down in the seat etc. They may also yawn quite often (openly or trying to control).
They would probably use some closed body language gestures as well. You can read my previous post for those.
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There are times when we close up ourselves during conversation. At that moment our body language signaling some kind of discomfort putting some blockage between us and the other person.
There are few reasons for using closed gestures in conversation:
When person feels some kind of threat and mistrust in other person this can be as a defensive form.
Hiding somethig physical or emotional can make person to use closed gestures. This can be anything from dislike and lying to simply hiding stain on the blouse.
Using closed gestures might be just kind of habit. If person feels comfortable and relaxed while crossing legs (especially when sitting) or arms this not obviously signals something bad. To present ourselves more friendly though it's better use more open gestures that are still comfortable.
Yet another time when we might close up is when we are cold.
So what are the closing gestures?
The most frequently used are crossing arms and/or legs
Crossing arms. This can be done in few ways involving just one or both hands, but the meaning is the same - to cross the central line of the body. So holding one hand with the other, folding them or tightly close, crossing with wrists or holding tightly the body (like hugging oneself) as well as resting a hand on the table can be considered as closed gestures. The level of tension in shoulders and arms can help in revealing whether person is hiding something or is just relaxed in this position.
Crossing legs. There are few ways to cross the legs like ankle or knee cross as well as putting ankle on the opposite leg's knee, a tense wrap-around and resting crossed legs on some object like stool or chair. A special attention needed when a person has crossed legs,but open arms. This can be a deliberate attempt to look comfortable and relaxed. This especially applies when the legs are hidden under the table or behind the counter etc.
As to feet, they may point to the exit.
A person might also look away or down, in other words escaping eye contact.
Some tricks can be done to make a person more open.
You may give a person something to hold and thus open their arms. You may ask them to help you in something etc. Another powerful way is mirroring. You should take the same position as they have. Keep doing this for a while until you create a bond with that person and they would feel more attracted to you. Then slowly open up yourself using appropriate gestures. If person bonded enough they would open up as well. This should be done slowly though. Let say starting with hands to show something or just supporting your talk. If they are still closed, then return to closed position again and gradualy build their trust in you and then try again.
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What are open body language gestures? What do they mean?
People use open gestures when they feel relaxed and secure, when they trust the person they are talking with and agree with what's being said.
The start of the whole idea of openness is in no way having crossed legs or arms. Even if we cross our legs or arms or worth still both just because we feel relaxed in that position it sends the signal of being closed. Thus the other person could feel less open as well.
Another thing to remeber that during talk person can change position from closed to opened. Attentive observer can notice those swifts and thus see changes in thinking and feelings.
Open arm gestures involve free moving mostly synchronical. Arms take a big part in supporting what the person is saying. Palms are the most expressive in this case by "forming" detailed shapes and "holding" things. In open gestures arms are usually held wide open with palms mostly up. This shows that the person has nothing to hide and is trustworthy.
Open legs means not crossed. In most cases that is keeping them parallel or slighty stretched apart.
I was mentioning in one of my previous posts that legs, especially feets can be subtle pointers to show what or who person prefers. If feet are pointing at the other person during conversation this is probably a sign that they like them and enjoy the talk. Some other gestures should show the interest.
Sometimes you may see a mixed message like arms are opened and legs are crossed. This simply can mean that the person is feeling comfortable in this position. Another meaning though could be that they try to control their body expressions. So you need to be careful. Other gestures should suppost or dispel your suspition.
Open gestures occur when the person is interested in the talk and is actively involved in it. So usually this means a head directed solely towards the other person and a prolonged eye contact.
In overall person feels relaxed and at ease and sometimes you may also notice that person tries to loosen their clothes as well (like unbuttoning or even removing jacket or coat etc).
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Hi everyone
Please visit my site Improving Communication In Business and Personal Life to read my new article on body language. It's called 'Interpreting Personal Space In Nonverbal Communication'. It's under NEW ARTICLE section.
Lena
We far too often underestimate the role of feet in body language. Usually it's upper part of the body that gets the most attention. But legs can say something important as well. Thus it would be an advantage to know some more ways for decoding body signals that others send to us.
Feet have some resemblance with hands, just less developed and used more for walking connected movements. Although there are examples that people can train themselves to eat or play musical instruments using their feet. Ofcourse this is usually done in not so pleasant circustances when people basically are forsed to do so (being without arms).
As well as hands, feet can be used as a pointer device. By pointing we show our preferences: what or who interests us or the place (direction) we want to go. So let say when a person is not interested in conversation, they can point on a way out.
People can tap or stamp the feet.
Stamping is mostly used for getting attention. It can be done on its own or to help emphasize the emotion expressed by other parts of the body. Often chidren use this way in their tantrums.
Tapping foot is like subconscious clock ticking the moments of time. This is usually used when a person is in a hurry or impatient.
Moving feet can help to deceive a liar, as the latter ones usually move their feet especially when sitting and having their legs under the table.
A person who is anxious may shift from one foot to the other or walk when needed to stand (like a presenter or teacher).
When a person is overwhelmed with some extreme emotions like pain or pleasute, they may curl their toes.
Feet can be used as a weapon to attack or defend oneself. And practically the whole foot coverage is used for that (toes-which can be dangerous, sides, bottom, heel and top of the foot). Using feet in martial arts is very popular.
Foot is one of the most massaged parts of the body. Reflexology uses massaging of the feet as a cure to a lot of illneses. There are points in a foot that are connected with organs of the body. By pressing them correctly a lot of deases can be cured.
Stroking the foot can be a light form of erotic suggestive gesture.
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Knees have some say of their own when it's down to nonverbal communication.
Knee shows up when a person bend their leg. This can work like a subtle pointer. That is, it can show who or what the person likes or desires by pointing at that direction. When sitting or standing among few people with crossed legs it is possible to say who the person has on their mind (among involved in conversation). Or if they are not interested in a conversation their subconscious mind may 'move' and point the knee to the door, showing the inner desire to leave.
Sometimes person is twitching their knee. If it points at someone, that can mean a desire to hit that person.
Knees are one of the attractive parts of the body (female mostly) and are often exposed by women wearing short skirts, dresses, shorts etc.
Knee is also widely used to attack or defence oneself. Most of the attack are aiming to the legs, like thighs or between the legs desabling the other person for some period of time.
Sometimes we may hold our knees. That can be as a subconscious defensive act when person feel threat, because our knees are quite vulnarable and once hurted could leave a person disabled for some period of time.
Women can hold their knees, when they feel unwanted male attention
Touching and stroking the knee can be one of the forms of sexual invitation.
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Thigs have their own role in nonverbal communication. Their signals add on when interpreting body language.
People can make opening and closing gestures using thighs.
Opening gesture can be simply a running parallel to hips. In sexual body language this can mean invitation to getting closer. For men it has a meaning of significance ansd power. Women can underline this with a short skirt or dress.
Closing gesture means the opposite. This is mostly expressed by keeping knees together, especially when having a short skirt or dress and in sitting position.
Closing sighs goes even further with crossing them. Very strong signal is sent when arms and legs are crossed at the same time. When arms are not crossed, but legs are - this can indicate that the person tries to control body movements. But this can be also a relaxed position. In this case muscles look loose.
A big role plays touching the thighs. Touching thighs attracts attention to them and can be taken as a suggestive gesture. Touching the inside or at the top of the thighs is even more suggestive.
We may also place our hands on thighs in sitting position just before getting up showing readiness to stand up and go.
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Today we'll continue with some finger body language gestures. I will mention some rude gestures as well as they play a big role in nowadays' nonverbal communication.
I'll start with the thumb. We use it up or down. Thumb-up means agreement and approval. Thumb-down the opposite. Sideways usually waggled means uncertainty. Thumb up or down has a long history. These were used even in Roman times. These gestures were decisive whether gladiator should stay alive or be killed.
When somebody has his hands in the pockets and thumbs are sticking out of pockets usually this is a sign of confidence and control. So that can indicate authority.
Checking up nails usually means boredom as well as fidgeting fingers can also mean boredom or tense.
Biting nails can mean uncertainty or nervousness.
Fluttering fingers may indicate fear or uncertainty.
Fingers grossed are the hope for luck (national lottery in UK).
Now a bit of rude body language. A lot of it was new to me. But knowing some gestures won't lead to misunderstandings. Some of them are cross-cultural.
The most popular in western countries is the finger gesture, made by extending the middle finger and bending the others. It has quite a few names. One of the known variations is extending thumb as well. Using both hands for the finger gesture means 'dirty double'. If somebody shows back of the hand with extended three middle fingers this says 'read between the lines'.
The finger gesture ( 'up yours') symbolizes penis and has a long history and actually disputive origin. It's mentioned in some Antient Roman and Antient Greek writings and this gesture was ment to insult the other person. Actualy it is believed that the spread of this gesture has connection to the geographical influence of both Roman Empire and Greco Roman civilization.
Another variation of the origin dates to the first century of Mediterranean world where it was used to divert the threat of evil eye.
This gesture has a lot of variations. Italians use bent elbow to insult the other person.
Another very common variation is V gesture. It is commonly spread in UK (true), Ireland, Australia, New Zealand and India. I actually didn't know about such gesture when I just came to England. Once I was ordering two drinks in a bar. As the music was quite loud I had to use finger body language to help me. And I think you guessed what happened... Yes I was ordering two drinks using V gesture. Thankfuly everything end up in a friendly way. Since that time I use the reverse palm - facing the other person if I need something double. Actually this latter gesture means peace in non verbal communication.
Some other variations. Showing little finger indicates small penis. The index and little fingers pointing upwards says that the man is cuckold or it may also mean 'evil eye'
Now some cross cultural meanings. In Iraq and some other middle eastern countries the 'thumb up' gesture means the same as western 'the finger' gesture. Although they say in Iraq these gestures were adopted to the western patern.
Some African and Carrebian countries use all five fingers with palm facing forward to call someone a bastard (literally saying 'you have five fathers').
In some areas in Sri Lanka they use index finger for the same as middle finger in western countries.
In Egypt they pull the middle finger inside the palm. This gesture considers very vulgar.
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Today we are moving to fingers and what they can express. We use finger nonverbal communication in everyday life for different causes: good and bad. Finger body language is widely used to express true feelings especially in negative way. By making certain gestures using fingers we can save a lot of words but they can have much more influence on the person than verbal communication. It's funny, but true, how one finger can lead to the fight involving few people.
Our fingers can be used in different ways. Let start with pointing. Although it is considered unpolite to point with a finger at something and especially somebody, a lot of people do point with their index finger. Usualy angry people tend to point in such way more than when being in normal conditions. That pointing include theirselves to to show how they feel insulted and others to show who they blame in their offence.
To substitute finger pointing with more acceptable way it's better to use whole hand to show the direction.
Other gesture holding our forefinger up and stationary "asks" other person to wait.
We can also tap something with our fingers like table, our other hand or even a person. It is mainly used to stress on important points.
Drumming with fingers usually means some kind of frustration. Saying that, when a person is thinking that can mean a difficulty in finding a solution. If drumming while keeping conversation with somebody, may mean a desire to leave. The other reason can be that person wants to interrupt the speaker. The faster the drumming rithm and the louder the noise, the greater the urgency for interruption. This deepens even further when drumming is done with finger nails as it is usually louder.
We also use prodding. It has a shadow of threatening like stabbing forward. Prodding can be used directly on person or in the air at an imaginary thing. A less threatening form to prod is using several fingers especially when they are bent.
Pinching thumb and one or more other fingers usually hold something small. This gesture forms "O" shape between them and has few meanings. If such gesture is held towards other person it mainly suggest them an idea. Pushed down means holding the idea, but stessing out important points. It also may be used in a try to persuade the other person in importance of the idea, thus offering them to grasp it.
For more information on body language,please visit my site - Improving Communication in Business and Personal Life
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It's impossible to imagine our life without hands. They are our main feeders, they give comfort and hugs, they help defend ouselves, help bonding with others, well what not? They even take a great part in nonverbal communication by sending a lot of hidden signals, which help any body language expert to easily read and decode person's true emotions and feelings. In this matter our hands can work for or against us. So why not getting good at interpreting and using hand body language.
Lets continue our hand disscussion...
Touching people and things is probably the most frequent use of the hands. Touching can be used in romantic situations for stimulating certain desires. It can also be used as punishment, something like slapping can be a good example for that. The way we touch, the strength can say a lot about person. It can show whether the person is dominant or submissive, the level of interest and friendliness etc.
Another popular move is rubbing. We can rub sore parts of a body to start with a straight use of hands. More subtle use can include things like rubbing hands together. This can be done when we are cold or feeling gleeful. Rubbing hands together in more slow move can mean a thinking process, e.g. how to benefit at the expense of others. In this case look out for little noticable smile and defocused eyes. Another thinking process can be express by rubbing the face. This usually means deciding or evaluating something.
While thinking we may also press all our fingers together pointing upwards or just do this with index fingers only. This is usually evaluating or decisive process.
When we think we can also support our head with hand either with the opened palm or with the index finger up on one side of the face and the middle finger covering the mouth.
Hands around cheeks with elbows on the table may mean that the person is bored or sleepy. And the more head is supported the more bored person is feeling. When somebody is interested there is either light support or no such at all.
Sometimes people hide their hands and this in most cases is a negative body language signal. This can indicate absence of desire to communicate. One of the ways to hide hands is putting them into pockets. Liars often do that in fear that their hands will betray them. Hiding hands may also show a desire for listenning and not talking, that is allowing another person to speak while they would just listen. As always hiding and putting hands into pockets doesn't always mean a negative signal. This can be also done when the person is relaxed.
Picking at bits of fluff clothes most of the times mean that the person disagree with something and in this way is picking apart the argument.
More on body language,please visit my site Improving Communication in Business and Personal Life
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