Tips on How to Become Assertive

Comments

Excellent advice. A great list for checking youreself against and making sure your not inadvertently giving out the wrong signals.

Philip Graves [Consumer Behaviour Expert]
The Consumer Behaviour Research Resource

Lena-This post was very helpful.

I'm naturally "persuasive"...and saw in your description of aggressive that I sometimes shift into power overdrive when things don't go my way.

Thanks for opening my eyes!

Intuitive John

Do You Crave Finally Learning To Trust Yourself?

Is Your Dog Suffering From Nervousness and Anxiousness All The Time?


This is a great list of things to work on. Thanks, Lena.

Jennifer Skinner

Wardrobe Planning Expert

Lena,

What specific actions, vocals, verbiage, postures would say that an assertive person uses?

The Communication Expert | David J. Parnell
The Communication Expert Blog


Hi David

Really nice question. I am of finding the answer by myself. I just came across some literature on assertiveness and want to explore on it. I need to learn my own tips on that as I usually can't stay "cool as a cucumber" in some situations.

I can't say a lot from my experience, but did observe some people.

One thing that really fascinates me is how one can say the same thing in a calm voice without a note of irritation 5-6 times in a raw. Each time looks like first time. I'm getting angry when I have to repeat more than 2-3 times. But some people are like monks - calm and steady.

People usually look into the eyes of the other person and turn to them ( I actually can say it's an open body language). They are really firm in what they have to say. It's similar to the case as professor of smth would do, he knows his stuff really well and there is literally no chance that a student would open his eyes on that subject. He would be sure of what he's saying and would repeat it over and over to the opponent. he might change wording but not the message.

Some people might wrap their message in blurby stuff about that other person and their circumstances just to make them more involved, but they would not allow themselves to be sidetracked and take over the other person's problems or whatever.

They usually speak slow and keep a calm tone of voice and as for me look pretty much calm and relaxed in such situations.

As for wording they use. It's up to situation really. If someone is angry instead of aggressively attack smb they can say how they feel and doing this try to make other person "wear their shoes". Then they would just explain why they would do smth this way and not the another.

[this is good]
Great checklist for being and communicating assertiveness and poise in communication and inter-personal relationships.

Thanks!

All the best,

April Braswell


Online Dating Coach, Romantic Relationship Coach

Internet Dating Sites Guide, Online Personals Sites Review


Great post on Assertiveness.
Cindy

Cindy Eyanson Online

Great post Lena
I think asertiveness comes differenly for different people. Being a smaller guy I can usually feel when someone is trying to use an asertive tone or opinion tward me...guess that they don't expect to be stood up to?

Matthew Shields
Energy Expert
Great post Lena. I love your point about tone of voice - so powerful!!

Melani

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