Tips on How to Become Assertive
In yestaerday's post I mentioned about assertiveness. Being assertive not only give you a better feeling but make your communication with other people look more proffessional. You stand out your point while not offencing the other party.
Some people are naturally assertive. Others might need to learn and practice few techniques.
Here are some tips to start you off:
- Watch how other people communicate and even persuade other people by being assertive. What words they use, the tone and speed of the talk, their gestures and facial expressions etc.
- make a decision to improve your assertiveness.
- Imagine yourself being assertive. You can create some situations or take real ones and imagine scenarios of handlind those difficult situations. It may sound useless, but all great artists spend hours practicing their roles just to feel natural when they need the most.
- Take actions. They say to overcome the fear you just need to do what you fear the most. Seems like easier said than done. But this is a shortcut. People tend to exaggerate things. You might find it not that difficult once you start. With practice your fear will fade. Start with small steps. Once you master those move to more complicated situations and so on.
- Don't forget the importance of body language. Use nonverbal signals that supports your speech and show you are confident. Speak clear with steady tone. Don't be in hurry stating your point. Learn to use a bit more time before you give the answer. Eye contact is vital, don't stare though. Avoid such movement that show up your worriness like scratching, tapping, blinking eyes too often, touching your hair or face.
- Make your message to be clear, don't waffle. Then stop talking. If you didn't get a wanted result on a first try repeat your message and do that as many times as necessary. Choose other words for expression if you like. But the main point is don't allow yourself to be sidetracked.
- Don't panic if you fail, especially at the beginning. Keep practicing and see the rewards comming your way.
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Comments
Excellent advice. A great list for checking youreself against and making sure your not inadvertently giving out the wrong signals.
Philip Graves [Consumer Behaviour Expert]
The Consumer Behaviour Research Resource
I'm naturally "persuasive"...and saw in your description of aggressive that I sometimes shift into power overdrive when things don't go my way.
Thanks for opening my eyes!
Intuitive John
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This is a great list of things to work on. Thanks, Lena.
Jennifer Skinner
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What specific actions, vocals, verbiage, postures would say that an assertive person uses?
The Communication Expert | David J. Parnell
The Communication Expert Blog
Thanks
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Hi David
Really nice question. I am of finding the answer by myself. I just came across some literature on assertiveness and want to explore on it. I need to learn my own tips on that as I usually can't stay "cool as a cucumber" in some situations.
I can't say a lot from my experience, but did observe some people.
One thing that really fascinates me is how one can say the same thing in a calm voice without a note of irritation 5-6 times in a raw. Each time looks like first time. I'm getting angry when I have to repeat more than 2-3 times. But some people are like monks - calm and steady.
People usually look into the eyes of the other person and turn to them ( I actually can say it's an open body language). They are really firm in what they have to say. It's similar to the case as professor of smth would do, he knows his stuff really well and there is literally no chance that a student would open his eyes on that subject. He would be sure of what he's saying and would repeat it over and over to the opponent. he might change wording but not the message.
Some people might wrap their message in blurby stuff about that other person and their circumstances just to make them more involved, but they would not allow themselves to be sidetracked and take over the other person's problems or whatever.
They usually speak slow and keep a calm tone of voice and as for me look pretty much calm and relaxed in such situations.
As for wording they use. It's up to situation really. If someone is angry instead of aggressively attack smb they can say how they feel and doing this try to make other person "wear their shoes". Then they would just explain why they would do smth this way and not the another.
Thanks!
All the best,
April Braswell
Online Dating Coach, Romantic Relationship Coach
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Cindy
Cindy Eyanson Online
Not a problem I have, but great info,
Rob
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I think asertiveness comes differenly for different people. Being a smaller guy I can usually feel when someone is trying to use an asertive tone or opinion tward me...guess that they don't expect to be stood up to?
Matthew Shields
Energy Expert